vince mcmahon still has a grudge against our city so i’m going to make some predictions:
the shield will lose a 3-on-1 handicap match against santino marella. great khali will then pick up a mic and sing “rapper’s delight”
the new age outlaws will put laxatives in daniel bryan’s tea and succeed this time, leading to a hilarious segment where d-bry runs into a bathroom stall and throws out a bewildered nattie neidhart with a roll of toilet paper stuck to her boot
jack swagger, antonio cesaro and zeb coulter will say “we hate mexicans” and everyone will cheer. oh wait that happens every week.
darren young will have a match while michael cole and jbl make wisecracks about him being “scouted” by pat patterson
alberto del rio ALBORING DEL STINKO LITERALLY THE WORST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME will beat some jobber then get bodied by someone’s grandpa
the lights in the miz’s dressing room will go out, leaving him to get dressed in the dark. he then comes out wearing a denver broncos jersey and gets murdered by ryback in a match that makes the mike levy incident look like a chikara “slow motion” match
special guest stars gilbert gottfried, fran drescher and ray romano. unfortunately they couldn’t make it but luckily their phones work! for way too long!
a twenty minute skit similar to the one made after linda mcmahon lost her senate race where vince mcmahon pretends to take a shit on a “we are columbine” t-shirt
every match barring the murder of the miz will be less than four minutes long. dark match main event is triple h with a boner telling the fans “we already have your money!” then walking away.