1/19/2015

Hey, guess who has been having really bad gender dysphoria lately? It’s even gotten to the point where I feel it in my own dreams, getting disgusted at myself and how my body looks.

I’m just tired, I guess. Tired of looking and sounding and feeling the way that I do. I’m tired of looking down and seeing that ugly thing hanging there. Or the constant hair on my face. It’s gross and stupid and I hate it. Just really tired of feeling like shit. Powerless shit.

Maybe five out of the past seven days have seen me staying up way too late crying and not knowing how to fix things. I can’t imagine that’s healthy. Maybe all this will pass soon enough, but I doubt it. I’m thinking maybe I need to figure out a way to hasten this transition process, because being stuck at step one isn’t really the way to go.

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