2/7/2015

Haven’t posted here in a while (like I don’t already say this way too fucking often). Well, actually I did post a few things, but later took them down since all it did was cause other people to have to deal with harassment and shit, and I didn’t want that on my conscience. But as far as actual work or content, no, I haven’t posted here in a while.

The anti-depressants I was taking weren’t helping. Almost two months of taking them, all I got were the bad side effects, with none of the “fix my fucking brain already” positives. So I’m still a mess, which has been affecting my plans to actually try and get work done. I’ve been procrastinating and hiding behind consuming tons and tons of media. I’ve been bullshitting myself and claiming it was “research” for a story I’m working on about a virtual reality world. And hey, for a nearly tech-illiterate dumbass like me, lots of sci-fi and cyberpunk shit are good places to steal ideas from.

But really I’m too lazy, or too afraid, to get back to work. Maybe even both.

I really want to get shit done, but then that voice pops back in and reminds me that I hate myself, and that a ridiculously large amount of people hate me even more, so what’s even the point? So I go right back into escaping via media, and nothing changes. I hope this will change.

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