Hello everyone. It is me, Man Guy from Game Website. I was busy with my hectic schedule of video gameing and going to Kiwi Farms, in the name of pursuing a hot story, so I could masturbate to alleged lewd pics of a former Capcom employee targeted by a group of internet misogynists I refuse to mention by name because I
agree with their message don’t want to give them any attention, as pornography released consensually doesn’t get me hard anymore, when I was sent an urgent e-mail from the boss.
Did you know that there is a new Barbie doll!? And this Barbie doll is a VIDEOGAME DEVELOPER?????? What the fuck? What. The. Fuck.
Listen up, Barbie Doll Makers, whatever your name is: girls, and believe you me friends, I’m laughing as I type this sentence out, don’t make video games. Not REAL video games! They make shitty match-three games. Or if they don’t make match-three games, then they make the other type of video game: match-three games. Women are fucking garbage, and are the lesser species in the face of men. Men make good games, like Tom Clancy’s Gun Fucker or Spec Ops: The Line (it’s a good game; makes you think). Those are real games, because they aren’t played on a tablet, or made by people with colored hair. What’s with all the damn hair!? Is this Christmas? Is this a rave? Purple hair does not turn me on! The only reason you broads do anything with your appearance is to appeal to dudes like me! Fucking…get with the damn program!
And that brings me to this: Barbie doesn’t even look like a game developer! Her hair is stupid. And she wears pants!? Not cargo shorts? Fuck off! Get out of here with your Tetsuya Nomura outfits and back into Kingdom Hearts, please. Nobody in this industry wants a ton of people who all tick off every box on the list of fashion cliches. Unless you’re a twenty-something bearded white guy like me, in which case you’ll literally be paid a living wage to hammer out complete bullshit on a keyboard to a worldwide audience.
And thankfully, nobody in the real world matches the exact appearance as Game Developer Barbie, what with the thick-rimmed glasses, dyed hair, or being known for making small-scale video games that don’t require a major investment of time, especially not a staggering number of women who have had to deal with literal years worth of death threats and verbal abuse or an entire cottage industry of people screaming about them on YouTube, so I don’t have to worry about validating the nonsensical hatred of their abusers vis a vis talking shit about a child’s toy.
What do YOU think? Do you think Game Developer Barbie is a total slut? Are you excited for her upcoming pal, Fund My Patreon Kelly? Do you hate women as much as I do? SOUND OFF in the comments below!