8/10/2016

I finally did the “SJW” thing and set up a Patreon page for the writing and art that I make. If you would like to pledge to it, hey, I would appreciate it. But that’s not why I’m making this post. I’m making this post because I would explain why I set it up.

Previously, I had talked about how I wasn’t interested in “The Fight.” The Fight being the constant fighting between various groups within games and social justice circles. This was a lie. I didn’t know it was a lie at the time, until an actual activist sat down and talked to me. I had been hurt by several of these groups; my reputation damaged and any concept of a “career” being destroyed before it could even get off the ground, and I wanted to hurt them just as bad. I wanted to ruin toxic abusers who had put my friends on Suicide Watch for the crime of being transgender and unwilling to suffer transphobia with a smile on their face. I wanted to see them publicly drawn and quartered via thinkpieces and longwinded Medium posts, just as we had. I would look at reviews for games that my abusers had made, and silently celebrated each negative review. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t fun. This isn’t something that an adult should take any kind of pride in.

I wanted to get revenge, all under the guise of being an Agent of Change. I lived for The Fight without even realizing it.

The problem that comes with being an Agent of Change is that you need people who are willing to listen, and willing to make that change. It’s been over a year. The only change that’s happened regarding abusive cliques and scenes is that there’s more of it. More abusers, and more people having to deal with their abuse. And the people who should be listening aren’t, or are actively encouraging their behavior. Like dealing with an addict, you can’t force them to get help; they have to want it. And unfortunately, when they don’t want the help, there’s not much you can do for them. When Giant Bomb is inviting on of the most toxic online abusers not named Milo Yiannopoulos on their stage, or when Vice Gaming is hiring men who violate women’s privacy and writes “both sides are bad” articles about those same women losing their jobs due to abuse and harassment, or the amount of “progressives” who have caught trying sell their shit to Gamergate, it makes it very clear that they cannot be helped. At least not right now.

I did some soul searching, and realized that I don’t have The Fight in me anymore. And this brings me to why I set up a Patreon: do I want to be known as someone who wasted their life screaming, yelling, and grandstanding to those who have their fingers firmly placed in their ears? Or would I rather be known as an artist who made cool shit that people liked, while also refusing to suffer fools lightly? Given that choice, I would prefer to be known for the latter. Setting up this crowdfunding page gives me deadlines, and an audience willing to see what I make, as opposed to any metaphorical audience reading this blog. With this, I can no longer afford to be wrapped up in The Discourse™. I can’t involve myself in that bullshit anymore. I’m going to carve my own path through life, refusing any affiliation with scenes, cliques, hashtags, any of that shit. There is no art to be found in recreating existing power structures.

I’m trash in a lot of peoples eyes, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and I plan on being a treasure to everyone else.

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