His preferred type is all of the women who have ludicrous amounts of plastic surgery. “Bimbo Porn” is frequently typed into his Bing search bar.
Always settles down with a bottle of beer. Not a can; he thinks it’s not as classy, despite drinking total shit like Michelob and Bud.
Types out his Facebook posts about his political beliefs entirely in all-caps. He’s That Guy.
VERY opinionated about Colin Kaepernick.
Doesn’t want to support Trump, but his misplaced sense of manhood and patriotism prevents him from ever wanting to give Killary the vote.
Ranks female Overwatch teammates based on how badly he wants to fuck them. Tracer is a tentative #1, but he’d really like to see her get breast implants, first.
Only watched lesbian porn until he was 35 because he was so grossed out by seeing another penis.
Eats TV Dinners six out of seven nights of the week.
Despite living alone, he has a dedicated Man Cave in his house.
During a late night masturbation session, saw a photo of Bailey Jay and had no idea how to handle the new feelings he had.
Hasn’t spoken to his family in fifteen years. He can cope with his loneliness most of the time, but finds himself struggling to not cry during the holidays. Unfortunately, he considers emotions to be a “woman thing” so he never gets any help or support.