i guess i can try being more social

It’s been a couple of weeks (felt longer) since I’ve posted anything, and obviously, things weren’t so great. Just as a bit of an update, things are slightly better. Obviously, my mom still needs care, which I’m doing, but she has more energy, she has an appetite again, and isn’t on medication that makes her want to die. So the good news is, compared to August and even the beginning of September, the current level of care I need to provide is simply driving her to the store or to the doctor, and sometimes cook for her.

That being said, I’ve still been feeling grumpy and having a shorter fuse in general. I’ve been a bit of a recluse to all but a few friends, which I feel bad about. Not posting here, or in any space I’m a part of. Hell, I was getting mad at fighting games for a while. Not in the sense of the normal salty “damn, I’m not doing great today,” but “fuck this, fuck all these shitty games! I’m uninstalling, fuck the FGC!” Let me tell you, I don’t like feeling that way! Only feeling the bad emotions; being frustrated with everything, not wanting to talk to people, just sitting in my room passing the time trying to feel something else and failing. Not a good time!

In an attempt to get myself back into the habit of doing fun stuff, I’ve dusted off my Twitch channel for the first time since last Christmas, and have done a few fun little streams. You should follow it, maybe subscribe too if you have money. I’ll try having a review up in the next week; I have some things to say about the recent remake of Wizardry 1. Also, I drew another little cowboy, Game Boy style:

Cowboys have been on my mind lately. Space cowboys, specifically. As an answer to my frustration at not writing anything that wasn’t about games, I’ve been drafting and brainstorming ideas for a neat little short story. Something involving things I enjoy; space, 1950’s pulp stories, golden age comics, and gritty dudes. Pretty much making myself do stuff, and hoping it doesn’t suck.

Trying to make things. Trying to become social again. Trying to pull myself out of the hole that I’ve been in for a while. Talk to people and make some good jokes again. I’ve joined a couple of fighting game servers, so I can maybe learn some things, rather than going into ranked all by myself and getting mad because I need some matchup advice and only finding empty wikis and YouTube videos calling me a loser because my Diamond level 3 E. Honda skills aren’t good enough to beat Daigo with both hands tied behind my back because after all, Honda takes no skill according to morons. So that’s where I’m at right now: trying to rehabilitate all my creative muscles that have been atrophied and trying not to feel constant anger at the entire world.