I’ve recently found a series of blog posts I made from 2006 to 2008, before I began this site. Reading through these, I have come to the following conclusions:
A couple of examples:
When I woke up and actually went to work, I was told that one of the 4 a.m employees had been killed the day before. He had been riding his bike home from work and was hit by a truck. I didn’t know the guy; I didn’t even know his name until maybe two months ago, but it’s still a bit unsettling that he’s gone. And on top of that, it seems a tad disrespectful to already be interviewing people to replace him so soon after his death. But hey, maybe that’s why I don’t make the big bucks?
So this guy is dead and it kind of bothers me, and I don’t really know why.
In my last entry, I had worried out loud about the future of my friendship with someone. As it turns out, all that worrying was for nothing! Not a Goddamn thing! I walked up to her, told her I was sorry for what I had done (whatever it was. No I still don’t really know; I’ll just have to live with speculation) and that I would work hard towards earning her trust back. She put her hand on my shoulder and told me everything was okay. Then we hit our fists together when she asked if we “were cool,” to which I replied, “I certainly hope so!”
Things are good now. At least, I certainly hope so!
Normally on a Saturday night, people are out with their loved ones. Catching up on old times with a friend they haven’t seen in years, co-workers crowding the bars in an attempt to wash away the literal pounds of work-related stress sent their way, a guy taking out his girlfriend to a restaurant, where she surprises him by revealing that she bought him that Expensive Gadget he’s had his eyes on for some time. I am not. For one, I have to be a work at six a.m on Sundays (before I forget: a big thanks to Cartoon Network for replacing their reruns of Bleach and Blood+, two shows that suck and are terrible garbage, with reruns of Deathnote and Cowboy Bebop), and as such, cannot afford to be out all night. My other reason is the real reason: I am in trouble.
The last thing anyone wants to do is have a falling out with a friend, particularly one who considers you a loosely connected member of her family; she called herself my “big sister” because, one, she is nine years my senior and two, she always seemed to be looking out for me; the only person keeping me sane.
To be honest, I’m still not exactly sure what it was that I did (I have a few good guesses), but I did something horrible to completely betray her trust. She finally confronted me at work last Tuesday, after being kind of weird and stand-offish for the past couple of days before that, in the back of our store, where we keep the sign-printing computer. I was waiting for her to get off the damn thing since I had roughly thirty signs to print, and if I don’t print them, then someone with way too much time on their hands will completely lose their shit and attempt to strangle the unfortunate teenage girl behind the customer service desk. And after a man who’s hairline was at the its absolute worst line of recession got so angry over Sorry! Travel Editiontm that his face became redder than the shirts we’re forced to wear and cursed out the unfortunate Mexican woman who had just clocked in for her first day on the job, it’s something of a priority that I get these stupid fucking signs out before everyone already angry enough over not having a Nintendo Wii comes in.
Anyways. My friend and I are standing in this room when she begins yelling at me about how doesn’t think she can trust me anymore and is this how much you value our friendship and Jesus Christ how can you do this? Of course, when someone is yelling at you, won’t tell you why and is accusing you of not respecting her, you tend to get mad back. So yeah, my Tuesday morning was kicked off with a fight with one of my closest friends at my place of employment that’s most certainly taken precious years off of my life that was interrupted by my boss, the same boss who had filed a Disciplinary Report on me and placed me under a thirty-day probation because he thought I sucked at my job when in reality, he had simply spaced out certain things, like the fact that I had my own employment threatened for things that aren’t even in my job description, and would, a week later, actually fucking take credit for the work I do, work that I apparently was so shitty at that my career was barely hanging on by a thread. Having him walk in on a fight that I was having; that I didn’t even want to have with someone that I loved and cared for was so unbelievably fucked up I’m surprised I just didn’t break down right then and there and attempt to take my own life.
Like, okay, that last one was a little melodramatic. But I think you get what I mean, here. Just being able to produce something on a regular basis is something I should really get back into doing. Being able to create a story from even the most inane shit is what I’m going to start doing. I just spent $119 to keep this site up for another year, I might as well start using it and making it worth my money, you know?