I’ve just taken part in the robbery of a jewelery store. While escaping, my partners have decided to stick around and get into a shoot-out with the police. I thought better of that and simply took off.
The escape has led me into a desert, where humanitarian relief workers are engraving tombstones. A small child asks if the tombstones are for his people. They are not, one of the workers explains, they’re for the workers themselves. They’ve been attacked repeatedly by groups of bandits, and a number of them have been killed as a result. The worker then demonstrates how they bury the dead. Since there’s nothing but sand around, they don’t use shovels or caskets; they instead bury them in a shallow grave the way a cat uses a litter box. They don’t bury them deep enough, though, as the wind keeps digging up more and more bodies.
I would be pretty grossed out about this, but before that can happen, two muscular men with massive, ridiculously proportioned anime swords are fighting one another. I follow the two of them as they fight from the desert into a nearby dungeon. One of the men is knocked down a pit, and re-emerges as a giant Eldritch horror, complete with numerous tentacles and eyes everywhere. The man and the monster suddenly disappear. It turns out that everything: the robbery, the desert, the fight, were all an elaborate opening sequence for a teen pop awards show. I take a seat towards the front of the stage.
The way the awards are given is this: the nominees have to navigate a section of the dungeon, solving the puzzles and avoiding all the pitfalls along the way. Then we, the audience, have to give a score to each of them, grading them on how they performed. I’m getting pissed off though, because The Jonas Brothers are ranked at number one, and I know I didn’t vote for them! I voted for Demi Lovato, and she’s not even ranked (ain’t even kidding, I think her first two albums are actually really good), leading me to believe this whole thing is rigged. I throw my voting app down a hole.
Some new, unknown pop singer is telling everyone about her new song called “Seeking Power.” “It’s a new song called ‘Seeking Power.’ It’s about a young woman seeking power!”
“No fucking shit!” I yell. “Hey I got a new song it’s called ‘Rapper’s Delight’ it’s about rappers being happy. Possibly delighted!”
A guy sitting next to me begins laughing and asks me, “you’re into ‘Rapper’s Delight’ too? I love the video, especially since it was directed by Jeff Goldblum.” We then start talking about our favorite scenes in Jurassic Park.