It's late and I'm tired

It’s funny how, during the Summer, I made a proclamation that I was going to be updating this thing more often. I was done with Tumblr, and I just wanted to make things and post them here, on a space that I pay IRL money for. This is a place where I can be free to post whatever I want, not having to second guess whether or not posting some pics of an underwear model is a good idea, or worry that some Gamergate asshole is going to be entertained by what I create. And yet I keep going back to the Big T and posting bullshit over there and get more and more followers that will eventually leave when I post those pics of an underwear model. I guess it’s just because it’s easy; there’s that immediate validation from an audience. All I have to do is look at a post and know that hitlercumslut69 liked it. And it’s kind of fucked up that I treat a source of personal expression like a publicly traded business: trying to please everyone, and hating myself for it. Plus, having actual, real life models that you’ve jacked off to following you and wanting to see what you come up with next doesn’t really help me any.

There’s also that prevailing internal thought process I have: Tumblr is my garbage dump. This is my “real” website. This is where I write my stories and share my other creative work. Tumblr is where I post SNES screencaps and make a contrived 420 joke or whatever. But when I’m stuck in a creative rut, due to being too busy, too tired, too drunk, too stoned, just wanting to die, or all of the above, that makes it real hard to be all artsy and shit (somewhat ironic; you would think being depressed and under the influence would make me better, and yet here we are), this site suffers and become stagnant, and it’s just so much easier to fire up an emulator and hit “take screenshot.” I need to stop doing that.

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