Coming out has been really freeing for me. It’s helped me deal with my depression a bit more. It’s also made it worse in a lot of ways. Now, my brain has more ammo. “You’re a loser, you have no talent, nobody likes you, oh and by the way, no matter what you call yourself or what you tell people, you still look like a man!” It sucks. But I still don’t regret my decision. Like I said, it has also helped me quite a bit. Knowing, with one hundred percent certainty, who and what I am, has left me feeling the best I’ve felt in years. Probably ever. No amount of bad brains will deny me that feeling.
I’m just really lucky that I’ve had a lot of support from my friends. If I came out, and the reaction was repulsion and transphobia, who knows how I’d be. And I feel a little guilty about that. That I’ve had this support system in place for when I’m getting all dysphoric and shitty. There are so many trans people out there that don’t have that, and that fucking kills me. There’s a 40% suicide rate for trans people. 1% is too many. I’ve been trying to think of a way to expand on how I’m feeling, how everyone deserves that love and that support of those around them, but it just feels empty. They’re just words, and words can’t get you away from an abusive parent, keep you from getting fired from a job, or keep a hate group from doing their best to try to kill you. And all I have are my words.