RIP Ella

On Sunday, my dog Ella very suddenly passed away. It was this out of nowhere medical emergency where her body had suddenly shut down, and she wasn't able to move or even stand up on her own. I was worried that maybe she had gotten into something outside, since squirrels and birds like to carry food with them and will sometimes drop it, and ate something poisonous. So I rushed her to the only vet's office open on a Sunday evening and that's when they broke the news: she had been developing a mass in her abdomen, and that mass had ruptured, with the blood loss causing her bodily functions shutting down. There wasn't much they could do to save her. Even if they could, she was still a 14-year old dog with cancer, so who knows how much longer she would have been around after that. So within about 45 minutes, I had gone from letting my dog in from outside, to having to say goodbye to her for the last time. I spent the rest of the night in shock, and my poor mom, who really got attached to Ella, is still struggling.

I've spent all week doing things to distract myself as much as possible, which is why I'm writing this post on Thursday, and not earlier in the week. It's been harder than other losses I've dealt with. Up until this point, whenever I've lost a pet, it's always been for the same reason: they were old, and they died from being old. You get a lot of time to prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable. This time though, it was so sudden and unexpected that it really fucked me up. On top of that, I've had to get used to, for probably the first time in my entire life, not having at least one animal in my home. It's quieter, and I'm still not liking it.

picture is a little messed up because i took it through my screen door

Last night was pretty rough. See, because of her disability, my mom has had to find new hobbies. One of these new hobbies is getting back into wrestling for the first time since the 80s. She knows that I'm an AEW fan, so she's now an AEW fan, and we watch the TV shows together in the living room, eating dinner on TV trays like a typical 90s family. Ella loved this, because she loves People Food, and she will beg from you to the point you think she's having a breakdown. So for two hours, she will see whoever has the most food, or whoever is actively taking a bite, and suddenly becoming your best buddy in the whole wide world. She'll snuggle up to you, she'll give you a kiss, all that. Yesterday was Wednesday, and you know what that means: the first Dynamite without Ella. There was no fat little gremlin bouncing around in our faces. We didn't get to do the Chris Jericho "Hi Guys!" wave at her whenever he was on-screen, much to her confusion, or tell her that Brody King was actually barking at her. Such a small thing, but it's always the small things that get you when it comes to loss. But because she died on a Sunday, I can at least take some solace in the fact that she got to spend Saturday night (Collision night), given lots of love and attention from people who cared about her. Also my mom gave her a piece of sausage Sunday morning, so she was still getting spoiled up until the end.

Anyways, maybe don't expect any sort of other articles or anything until next week. Normally, I would apologize if I'm not meeting my ridiculous self-imposed deadlines, but if you're offended that I'm not writing about games this week, feel free to go fuck yourself. For everyone else, go show a little more love to your little furry friends, you never know when it's over.